Hi, Jenni
I’m dreading going back to work on Monday. There’s a woman in my office who seems hell bent on making life difficult for the rest of us. She snitches on us for absolutely everything – even for things that really don’t matter.
Every time someone does the slightest thing wrong like turning up late, going on social media when the boss isn’t in, or quietly complaining about something, she goes running to the boss to tell him. If someone makes a mistake in their work, she’ll tell the boss straight away without even bringing it up with the person. A few months ago she snitched on someone for sharing a meme on Facebook about a cat that hates its job and then the boss started saying all these passive aggressive things like “I know you hate your job but…”
The most annoying thing is she acts really nice to our faces. She’ll ask me about my weekend and ask if I’m dating anyone, but I know that everything I say can be relayed to the boss. In January she overheard me telling my best mate in the office that I’d slept with one of our colleagues after the Christmas party. The boss proceeded to humiliate both of us afterwards and it was mortifying. Now we can’t talk to each other in the office without him berating us.
The snitch only has one actual friend in the whole workplace and the rest of us can’t stand her. I don’t know why she cares what anyone else is doing! It doesn’t need to affect her at all!
She’s in her 50s and I don’t know why she hasn’t grown out of this sort of thing yet. I honestly feel like quitting my job sometimes but I’m aside from her negativity, I actually like my job, the pay’s okay and I feel like there’s room for progression. But she’s ruining it! What can I do?
Leonie, 25, Newcastle
I completely understand why you feel like quitting but avoid making any rash decisions. I know the office snitch is making your working life more difficult than it needs to be, but since you’re happy with your role, salary and there’s room to move up in your career, it’d be a shame to leave just because of the one blabbermouth.
It’s a sad reality that most of us will encounter an office snitch or two throughout our careers. Even if you left, there’s a good chance you’ll meet more grasses in future.
Try to take some smug satisfaction in the fact that you’re in no way to blame for this woman’s behaviour. Although her mission may be to make you look and feel as though you’re bad at your job, her actions say absolutely nothing about you and a lot about her.
Tattletales often go running to the boss in an attempt to make themselves look superior in comparison to their colleagues. Maybe they do it in the hope that their boss will let them into the ‘inner circle’ and begin to see them as someone they can confide in and trust. Snitching can make people feel powerful and it can give them a sense of belonging in a workplace that they otherwise feel out of place in. If they themselves feel like they’re no good at what they do, snitching can give them a sense of achievement and purpose. No matter what the reason, the best part is it’s nothing to do with you.
I know how easy it is to let behaviour like this brew up inside you until you feel like you’re going to snap. I also know that the words ‘don’t let her get to you’ are easier said than done when you’re stuck with her for 40 hours a week and you career is at stake. But for your own peace and wellbeing, practise some quiet compassion – even though it might not seem like she deserves it. It’s not your job to fix or change this person, but trying to understand her behaviour might make you feel a bit better.
Although this woman may seem like a pawn who serves no purpose in your life but to wreak havoc, in reality she’s a complex human being and there are so many reasons why she may be acting the way she is.
Happy people don’t get satisfaction out of watching other people fail. Emotionally-stable people don’t spend more time watching other people’s computer screens than they do their own. It sounds as though this is a deeply unhappy woman with a number of insecurities and she’s projecting those insecurities onto those around her.
Often, workplace squealers are poor communicators who fear confrontation – even though their actions are destructive. These snitches wouldn’t dream of raising an issue with you directly, but they think nothing of grassing on you to the boss at the first sign of an issue. They’re scared of addressing problems themselves and so they force the dilemma onto someone higher up than them, rather than risking the awkwardness that can come from trying to resolve the matter like an adult.
You’ve not gone into too much detail about your boss but considering he’s berating you and your colleague for sleeping together, it sounds like he’s the type of person to reward snitching behaviour. Since he’s clearly entertained by the news, all this does is encourage the office rat to keep unearthing other people’s gossip for her own benefit.
So what can you do?
Don’t give her the ammunition
You can start by restricting the access this woman has to you. If you have her added to your social media accounts, hide your updates from her.
Only speak to her when spoken to and when she asks you questions about your private life, keep your response short and to the point. Don’t tell her anything that you wouldn’t tell the boss yourself.
If she realises that she can no longer see your social media updates or she questions why you no longer speak to her, this provides you with a great opportunity to be honest. Calmly explain that you’ve trusted her with private information before and she’s shared that information with others.
There’s safety in numbers
I wonder if it’s worth sitting down with trusted colleagues who feel the same way about her as you do. By calmly confronting her together, you reduce the likelihood that she can go running to the boss. However, proceed with caution because you don’t want it to seem like you’re ganging up on her. Treat her respectfully and never lose your cool. If you snap or shout, it’ll be you who comes off badly.
Perhaps one of you could say something along the lines of: “I’d really appreciate it if we could work together to resolve issues within the office. Things will go much smoother if we work as a team instead of expecting the boss to fix the problem. He has enough to do as it is.” But you know this woman and I don’t. Some people just can’t be reasoned with.
Prepare for an emergency
Although I’d advise against quitting suddenly – especially considering most workplaces have at least one or two problematic colleagues – there’s no harm in preparing for the worst in case things take a nosedive. First of all, if you don’t already have an emergency fund, start saving now. Try to build up at least 3 to 6 months of living expenses just in case it all gets too much and one day you can’t help but flip your desk.
