“As we’ve lived together for a year or two,
We really don’t need anything new.
But if you were thinking of getting us a small wedding gift,
Some money for our future wouldn’t go amiss.”
If you’ve been invited to a friend or family member’s wedding, you might be wondering how much money to give them as a gift.
Back in the day, the whole point of a wedding gift was to help the newlyweds kit out their home with toasters, kettles and other household supplies. Nowadays, though, most couples live together long before they tie the knot, meaning they already have all the essentials.
So it’s no surprise that so many couples ask for money instead of material wedding gifts. It might seem cheeky to some people, but in my opinion it’s better than ending up with more cake tins, champagne flutes and his & hers dressing gowns than you know what to do with.
But do you have to give people money when they get married? If so, how much should you give at a wedding?
What is the average wedding gift amount?
According to a study by Admiral, the average wedding gift amount is £85, but £70 if the guest is just invited to the evening party.
Apparently, the value rises significantly for close family members, with guests spending an average of £137 on siblings and parents. The average drops to £57 for gifts from wedding guests who are work colleagues.
Guests in Northern Ireland are the most generous with wedding gifts. They spend a whopping £154 on average, while guests in the East Midlands spend the least at £57. When it comes to evening guests, Londoners spend the most on the happy couple (£132), while guests in Yorkshire spend 68% less (£42).
Admiral also found that 36% of wedding guests are more likely to give a cash gift over material gifts. Just 29% of respondents say they’d choose something from the couple’s wedding registry.
How much to put in a wedding card… according to Instagram
I asked @cantswingacat’s Instagram followers how much they spend on a wedding gift. Here are some of their replies:
James: “I think the relationship plays a big part in the size of the gift. For example, if it was a mate I’d give £50 a head. I gave more for my girlfriend’s sister. I’m a best man this year so I’ll give a lot more for that. I also think the amount the wedding is going to cost you plays a part in it. If there’s a free bar I’d give the money I’d expect to spend on drinks. If I had to pay £350 for flights and accommodation, they can get a candle from Poundland.”
Leticia: “My partner is from Spain and there, people tend to expect to receive between €100-€150 per wedding guest. This, to me, is shocking. I’m of the opinion that a gift is a gift and you should give however much you can, depending on your situation and your relationship with the couple. Couples getting married now seem to expect for wedding guests to pay for the wedding with their gift. That’s a lot of pressure to put on your loved ones. As a side note, my sister recently got married (she lives in Mexico) and in addition to attending the wedding, our wedding gift to them was a selection of home decor items for their flat. To me, that felt much more personal than money.”
Abigail: “I usually give £100 if me and my other half attend the day and evening. We appreciate how expensive it is to have a wedding. However, some friends are getting married abroad this year and in England. We won’t be doing a gift as attending both weddings is costing a small fortune. An English wedding is 4 hours from us.”
Anon: “Normally my partner and I give £100. If it’s someone only I know, I would probably pay the money and he wouldn’t contribute, but I’d put us both on the card. I normally give the gift in whatever currency they’ll need for their honeymoon. While the base amount is £100, I’ll sometimes round it up depending on the currency. For example, if they were going to the USA, £100 is $130, so I’d round it to $150. I honestly don’t know if this is perceived as a stingy amount but weddings cost so much to attend anyway.”
Laura: “I usually do £50 per person attending. So if we’re both invited, £100. I reduce the amount if it’s abroad or I’m expected to travel during peak times like bank holidays etc.”
Jo: “If really close friends are getting married, I give £200. If we are second thoughts for wedding drop outs, £100. If we get invited but can’t go £50.”
Anon: “I give £50 per person. In Northern Ireland the rule of thumb is ‘enough to cover your dinner’…..so if it’s a fancy ass wedding I’ll maybe give a bit more. Honestly, this is stingy as hell, so block out my name please, but it also depends on how much of the wedding they’ve paid for themselves. If I have wealthy friends who have wealthy parents who have paid for all or most of it, I’m less inclined to stretch myself. But if I know friends have had no help and have had to scrimp and save, I’ll try and afford more.”
Kate: “So… we received different amounts depending on whether a day or night guest, and I guess how close we are. When going to weddings I guess it depends on the same thing. I wouldn’t give less then £25-30 evening invite x”
Sadie: “£50 if it was just me going and the gift was just from me. £100 if we’re both going. And probs a bottle of fizz too.”
Rowan: “We usually give £30 for normal birthdays, £50 for big birthdays and at least £100 for weddings. I’m surprised people give so little but it’s also good to know what people expect. No really close family have gotten married recently but I’d think about £500 if it was a sibling or close cousin.”
How close are you to the bride and groom?
So, with all this in mind, let’s try to work out how much you should give as a wedding gift.
First thing’s first, how close are you to the bride and groom?
If your dad, sister, or best mate is getting married, you’ll probably be feeling more generous than if you were attending the wedding of an old uni friend you haven’t seen in 10 years.
If you’re at an age where everyone seems to be getting married, you might come up with your own secret pricing structure for wedding gifts.
This is just a guide, but your wedding pricing structure might look like this:
Immediate family members: £200
Close friends: £100
Wider family members: : £50
Other friends: £25
Colleagues: £25
How much is it costing you to attend?
According to research from Spare Room, one in seven wedding guests are spending £400 to attend each wedding – but others are splashing as much as a grand on each event.
One in five renters are getting into debt because of their friends’ weddings, 15% have had to move to somewhere more affordable and 7% of those surveyed have moved back in with their parents due to difficulties paying rent.
When you breakdown all the things you have to spend money on as a wedding guest, it’s easy to see how people can easily get into debt for their friends’ weddings:
- Engagement parties
- Hen parties/stag dos
- Travel
- Accommodation
- New outfit
- Hair/makeup
If you’ve spent hundreds of pounds as a wedding guest, I think it’s okay to give a small wedding gift or even no gift at all.
Over on Instagram, Ed said: “I’m that douchebag guest – sorry guys, but I spent 100 quid on train tickets to get here, 150 on a night in your fancy hotel, 80 on kilt hire and 50 on taxis to this converted barn in the middle of nowhere… so here’s some napkin rings.
“The way I see it, you should never have to go into debt or even close for a gift of any kind. If you can afford to be generous, that’s great and go nuts, but I for one would be horrified to think that someone had worried about whether their wedding gift to me was enough, or if they had given me something when I knew they couldn’t afford it!”
Should you give a wedding gift for a destination wedding?
Unless you’re reasonably well off, I don’t think you should feel under pressure to give a wedding gift if you’re attending a destination wedding.
You’ll probably be paying for your own flights and accommodation. You might be taking time off work. You might have to use some of your limited holiday allowance. If you’re self-employed, you might even be losing income!
Instead of giving a monetary gift, perhaps you could write a really thoughtful card for the married couple instead.
If they read your message and complain that you’ve not given any money, that’s their problem!
You’ve spent hundreds (or maybe even thousands) on an event that is all about them! They should get their heads out their arses and be grateful you even attended.
How much should you give as a gift if you’re a bridesmaid or groomsman?
Some people take into account whether they’re part of the bridal party.
Personally, I don’t think bridesmaids or groomsmen should feel pressured to give more than other wedding guests.
If you’ve spent time planning the hen/stag do, attended dress or suit fittings, and have helped plan or organise aspects of the wedding, you’ve done more than enough!
You might be spending more money on transport or hotels than other wedding guests. You might have had to buy a suit or dress that you’ll never wear again!
Over on Instagram, Kate said: “This might sound tight but when I was bridesmaid by the time the wedding comes along I’d already spent hundreds and hundreds on hen do and also the hotel stay over for wedding so to pay 100 seems a lot but then again it should all be what you can afford to some people 100 is nothing.”
How much should you give as a gift if you’re just going to the evening do?
Going to just the evening event? Personally, I think if you’re just attending the evening do, you’re even less obligated to give the bride and groom a wedding gift than you are if you’re attended to the full wedding.
This may be controversial but I’ve decided that from now on, if I’m just invited to an evening do, I’m turning up with a bottle of champagne and a card.
How comfortable are you financially?
If you’re struggling for money or attending a wedding/giving a generous wedding gift would put you into debt, it’s okay if you decline the invite or don’t give the couple any money.
It’s okay to put your own financial wellbeing and life goals before those of your friends and family members.
Sure, you might have been invited to an expensive wedding that cost the newlyweds a lot of money, but you didn’t choose it!
If they got into debt for their big day, that was their decision.
Even if you’re not struggling to pay the bills, you probably have your own dreams and aspirations that you need to save for, whether you’re eager to travel the world, buy a house or get married yourself.
If you have lots of friends and spend hundreds of pounds or dollars every time one of them get married, prioritising your own goals will be harder. It’s okay to put your foot down and say no.
Should your wedding gift cover the cost of the wedding meal?
Many people messaged to say they like to cover the cost of their full meal, even if they don’t know for sure how much the couple paid for their food.
An anonymous Instagram follower said: “We always give what we think it would have cost to have us at the reception plus a little bit extra. Recently we went to a very fancy reception at a really fancy venue. I googled it and the base cost per person was like $150. So we put $500AUD (or $250 per person) into the wishing well.. We’ve been to some really cheap receptions with horrible canapes or where you buy your own drinks. So we’ll only do like $100 per person in that case. A Greek woman I worked with explained that it’s general etiquette!”
This strategy has me conflicted. Paying for your meal and drinks feels like the most polite and considerate thing to do, but I don’t like the idea that couples who have a more modest wedding get smaller gifts.
Some of my Instagram followers agreed. One person said: “I don’t agree with matching the wedding cost and then some. If anything, choosing to have an expensive wedding demonstrates that you don’t need financial support from your guests…”
Another replied: “This attitude gets me as it is typical money goes to money. If a couple can afford a really fancy wedding in an exceptionally fancy venue then they probably don’t need the extra money. Whereas the couple having a “cheap reception with horrible canapes” would probably need (and appreciate) the extra money so much more.”
Should you give a personalised or handmade gift?
Giving a personalised or handmade gift could be a thoughtful and affordable way to show the newlyweds just how much you care.
But if you’re ordering something personalised off the internet, it’s worth considering whether the happy couple might have something similar already.
Be honest with yourself: how likely are they to use the thing you’ve bought?
Might it end up sat in a drawer or spare bedroom for the next 5 years?
If so, money could allow them to buy something that makes a difference.
People say ‘it’s the thought that counts’ but sometimes, in my opinion, the most thoughtful thing to do is to just give cash.
I used to be a huge fan of giving personalised gifts and handmade gifts, until I realised that no matter how thoughtful I think I’m being, I’m not a mind reader.
How much do couples make from wedding gifts?
With so much pressure for guests to give generous wedding gifts, I’ve always wondered exactly how much money couples make in total.
Admiral claims that couples could receive almost £7,000 worth of gifts on their wedding day, but this makes me wonder how many people these people are inviting!
I asked my married Instagram followers how much they received on their wedding day and here’s what they had to say:
“We received around £2,000. I was absolutely amazed. This was with 80 wedding guests.”
“We got about £700 cash on the day. We had 35 guests – plus £1,000 from my in-laws. My parents paid for our wedding, so there was no wedding gift from them! My grandma bought us a fridge a few months before the wedding worth £200. My step brother gave us a £200 voucher which was very generous. He’s a very high earner but we still didn’t expect that level of gift. Most people either didn’t put anything in or they gave around £30. We didn’t invite people to get presents, so this wasn’t an issue and we were thrilled with the amount we got. When I go to my brother-in-laws wedding in November, we’ll probably give around £40 or £50. If they thought that was too little that’s their problem and they’re not the couple I thought they were!”
“We got married seven years ago and received around £1,500. We have friends who got married recently and received a lot more than that!”
“We had 85 guests and I think it was about £2,500 for us. It more or less covered our honeymoon.”
“We didn’t get loads of expensive gifts but we got married young & had nothing. Neither did our friends. We had a lot of cheap stuff on the list like individual plates etc. This was in 2004 – before weddings got ridiculous.”
“We got married a week ago, we had 55 guests and received about £1000 in total. We got given amounts from £20 up to £100. I’d say average wedding gift was around £50. Not everyone gave us a gift and we didn’t expect anything.”
“We got £1,500 in cash plus £300 in vouchers and various bottles of alcohol. Someone also paid for us to go away for a night. That was 13 years ago.”
“We got £1,950 in cash/cheques. The lowest single gift was £20 and there were a few gifts over £200 from wealthier older relatives. We also received £55 in vouchers. For context, only four couples travelled from outside the UK and most lived less than an hour’s drive away.”
“Including money from our parents, I’d say we probably got between £1,500-£2,000. We were very fortunate. People were so kind. We had around 70 guests in the day and another 30 for evening. The cost to us just including food and drinks (not venue, band etc) was around £60 for a day guest and £15 for an evening guest.”
“We received approx £3,000. Some people gave presents. Some gave gift cards. Most gave cash.”
